A Revival of Sorts

Here I am again wide awake on Christmas Eve.  It reminds me in a way of being a child again and not being able to sleep due to the anticipation of what Santa would bring me.  Those days were fun, because I was excitedly putting my hope into something that I could not prove to be true, but was perfectly content with believing nonetheless. Furthermore, I was investing all of my efforts into hoping that I'd receive a gift that I could not procure for myself. I did not have a way to obtain these awesome items because I did not have sufficient means with which to do so.

The excitement that I feel tonight is similar in a way to that of my childhood, but for a different reason.  It didn't take long into my childhood to figure out that Santa was not real, but instead a fun character that helps to bring mystery and joy to an enjoyable holiday.  Not only that, but quite frankly, I can obtain for myself those material things that I wish to obtain, which means that there is no need for anxious waiting of presents to be opened in order to see if what I want is under the Christmas tree.  No, the causes of the excitement that I feel are not the same as they were 20 years ago. While I am still excited by a gift that I quite often hope to receive and to be able to apply to my life, it is not a temporal gift advertised on tv. It's the gift of the Savior; it's the gift of mercy and unconditional love. This gift I cannot procure for myself, no matter how much money I make, or what my connections are. This is a gift that only comes from the heavens.  While this is not a gift that is only available to me on Christmas, I've had the blessing tonight of being able to read back through some previous blog entries and to be able to see just how much of an influence the gospel has, and continues, to play in my life. This is the greatest gift I could ever be given, and it needs no flashy wrapping paper or decorative bow to make it any more appealing. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

"Earn This"

I just finished watching the movie "Saving Private Ryan" with my roommate.  Prior to this, as roommates, we watched the "Band of Brothers" mini series.  As I watched on TV a depiction of the blood and horror that engulfed those soldiers in the conquest that they undertook in order to defend the freedom of mankind, it aroused a great sense of gratitude in me.  While always having been thankful to those brave and selfless men and women who are willing to lay down their lives, I've been reminded in the past couple of weeks of the debt that I owe to these amazing individuals whose lives spans across countless generations.

I realize that watching it on TV doesn't begin to give me an idea of what it was truly like to be out there on the battlefields of hell, lying in wait for a mortar shell to randomly land next to me; perhaps even wishing it would so that the seemingly endless misery might be brought to an end.  I am aware that I will almost certainly never have to stand face to face with the enemy in desperate gun fire hoping to kill him before he kills me.  For this, I have an even deeper and swelling gratitude than I had previously realized as I watched these dramatic scenes reenacted; for I know that despite Hollywood's usual tendency to over dramatize everything else, they cannot begin to tap into the misery and torment that those soldiers must have felt as they counted each day passing by, only hoping that they would live to see the next, and most importantly hoping that they would live to see the day that they would arrive home once again, to resume the peaceful lives from which they had been ripped away; I imagine that the dream of every solider must have been that day that they would be allowed to awake from their worst nightmare that had become their reality.

The very end battle scene in "Saving Private Ryan" really just pulled on my heart strings as Tom Hanks' character is sitting on the bridge bleeding to death and the last words that he speaks to Private Ryan are "Earn this."  I know that the message is applicable to all of us, and should not be a new idea to me; the idea that every day of my life should be devoted to making this world a better place; a memorial to those who have laid down their lives for it. However, the idea of that man actually speaking the words to the fellow soldier for whom 8 lives specifically were spent in the mission to save his left a powerful impression upon me.

The movie is now over, and I'll soon be lost in the thoughts of my finance course work, and listening to Christmas songs streaming from Pandora, while I sit comfortably at my desk, in my room, in peaceful, pleasant Orem, Utah.  I know that this feeling will reside and I'll become distracted with other things that seem pressing; but I hope that I always am able to keep the mindset of "earning this" freedom that has been so courageously and selflessly gifted to me.  

You're Average

I was reading in the scriptures today (It's true, I swear!) and I came across the word "mean".  This led me to ponder regarding the originas of the adjective, as it is used to describe someone who is ill-mannered, or malicious in their comments or actions.

In statistics the word "Mean" is used to describe the "average" or the middle.  In this case then, is the word "mean" intended to describe someone who is negative or ill-mannered as "average"?  If so, when we use the word "mean" are we insinuating that we believe the average person to be ill-mannered or malicious?

Deep thoughts...

Welcome Warmth

It's not an unusual night. I'm just sitting here in my room, and have been for the last two and half hours as I've been working on my courses...but something feels different.

Nothing happened today that was out of the ordinary...but this isn't an ordinary feeling.

There's just some kind of excitement within me right now that feels fantastic! I feel happy and optimistic about what's in the near future, even though I have NO idea what those things will be.

Possible Culprits:

•   It's fall outside and I'm loving the weather! 
• I had a team party tonight and had pumpkin recipe foods ranging from entres to deserts. 
• Things are changing up at work, and I'm excited for it! 

These are all possible contributors to this welcome elation, but I'm intrigued as to why I'm so suddenly feeling like I'm on cloud 9. Whatever it is that's causing this awesome feeling inside of me, I hope it keeps going!

No worries

For thus saith the Lord: "I will contend with them that contendeth with thee—" -2nd Nephi 6:17-

 ...Can't think of anyone better to have my back.

The Kennedy's & The Help

I went and watched the movie The Help with my siblings last night, and it is good! It made me sick to my stomach to be reminded of how much hate people can have and have had toward others.  However, the movie also conveys the power of selflessness and love towards others, as well. It was extremely well done, and I'd encourage anyone to see it, who has not already.

While on the topic of inspring media, I finished up watching The Kennedy's which is a mini-series that my roommate Billy had purchased.  This was also an incredibly well done production, but I came away from this mainly just wanting to talk like the Kennedy's did, with their New England accents and what not. It's wicked Assuhm!

And he...chokes

It's official, I've decided that one of my main problems in life is that I get anxious way too easy and then tense up and perform poorly.

Exhibit A: Mandy Stoddard in the 5th grade. Wow! Mandy was a real cutie, but I just turned into a love sick school boy around her.  One day she came to my little league game and so naturally I felt the need to impress her. I actually WAS a prety decent hitter at the time, but not on this day. Three times up, three times down in shame while Mandy watched.  Then she had to leave, and naturally my next time up with no one in the stands to impress, I hit a triple down the right field base line. Oh Mandy...

Exhibit B: Any game of basketball, or football...or any sport for that matter.  When I'm relaxed I can do pretty well on most days.  Catch me warming up to play basketball and you'd think I was decent.  My stroke looks good,  I make shots...and then comes game time, and there goes my form, and ability to make shots.  It's silly, really. In a saddening kind of way.

Exhibit C: I do well around people and for the most part people tend to like me.  I annoy some, which I understand, and I just don't click with others. I accept this. But for the most part, I'm a well-received fellow. I think that largely this is due to my ability to have fun, be relaxed and crack a funny joke here and there.  If I'm lucky I get in a witty line or two.  Similar to Exhibit A, when a cute girl enters the picture who I find myself interested in, it's all over.  I become quite the tongue twisted, random rather than clever, not so confident fool.  (This happened just the other night when I started this post, FYI)

Thus the problem presents itself and the solution begs to be had, how can I overcome this dilemma? I'd propose apathy, but let's face it...that only comes into play when I don't want to do something...such as my online courses which I'm avoiding right now. :D