From the Midst of a Thousand Thoughts Comes...

You know those times in life where you're not sad, but you're not happy, necessarily? Lately, it seems like I've had a lot of those times. It's a weird state to be in, because I just don't know what I should be feeling. Here's the deal...

A month ago I returned from two years of doing missionary work in Michigan for the LDS church, which I belong to. It was the most incredible and rewarding time of my life. Don't get me wrong, it was also the hardest and most trying time of my short twenty-one years. But that's why it was so great, because I felt the worst and so I enjoyed the best even more when I reached those new heights! I'm totally a believer in the necessity of opposition in all things. Not only that, but I was doing something that I really believe in; something that I really have a conviction of. I was out teaching people about the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that God lives! It was amazing to see the change that took place in the lives of others, especially as I had the privilege of helping them discover that there are modern day prophets that God calls today just like He called prophets in ancient times. I was able to help them come to an even more clear understanding of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and who They are and why They do what they do as I shared another testament of Christ, called THE BOOK OF MORMON. It's a companion to the BIBLE. It was a really rewarding experience. I loved it! It was there that I found the most happiness that I've ever felt as I was making a difference in people's lives and serving them.

Well, here I am and I've been home for about a month and a half now. I love being back in California, and I love being around my family again. When I first returned home it was great because all of my friends were home from college for Winter break and so I was able to see them and hang out with them too! Life was good and although it was a lot different than the life I had had for the past two years, I was happy because of I was with people I love. So I can't complain at all about that. Now, my friends are gone back to college and here I am just trying to get back into the "real" life scenario again. It's like I said, I'm content most of the time and at times I even just have that feeling of joy inside, where I just have to smile because I feel so good...but it's kind of like I'm looking for a new purpose of how I can help other people, or what I should be trying to achieve. I don't know if this makes sense to the reader, but after doing something for two years that totally consumes nearly every waking moment of your time and is so rewarding; it leaves a lot of...hollow space. Not so much in my schedule, because that can be filled, but mainly in my desire to feel like I've accomplished something every night when my head hits my pillow.

And so my journey has begun. I already know that as I put my faith in the Lord that He will lead me for good, and in the direction which I should take. But what I want to accomplish, what I want to concentrate my efforts on throughout that journey is still not quite determined in my mind. I suppose that as I go along that these things will continue to be made known to me, perhpaps little by little. All I can do is give my all and push ahead. Ready? I am. Here I go...