I had an interesting thing happen to me this morning, and it was something that I'm extremely grateful for. Just like every time I hop online, I logged into Facebook to see what new and exciting things had been posted since I last checked...last night (addiction? Yes). As I was scrolling through updates, I noticed a post or something from a girl who I really wanted to marry a few years back. For whatever reason, my curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on her profile.
Some of you may say "so what?", and that's because you don't know the story behind this particular girl. A very long story short, I had an extremely rough time getting over her, and even after the romantic feelings were gone, it took quite a while to recover from what, to me, felt like betrayal, despite logic and reasoning constantly assuring me that it was not. To be honest, I wasn't sure that I'd totally been able to let go of everything until this morning. As I clicked on some pictures that she had posted recently, I was able to see her with her husband, the person she met right after me. As I looked through just a few of the pictures, I came upon one and just had to sit and look at it for a few seconds because she looked so incredibly happy. That's when I knew that any ill-feelings about how things ended up between she and I were gone. To see someone so incredibly happy, how could I not feel that way! Seeing her in the picture with this guy who made her that happy made me realize, or perhaps re-realize, three things:
First, I admire this girl for being so intent on doing what she felt was best for her, that she did not give in to what I know were very confusing feelings for her during the time we were close. She knew that there was still a better situation for her, and she didn't allow herself to settle for anything else. Even a few months ago, that last though about her "settling" for me would have brought with it a feeling of pain, but sometimes certain situations, with all of their pros, are still outweighed by fewer, or perhaps even one con.
Second, this experience this morning helped to remind me that often with time comes greater perspective. We may never fully understand why some situations didn't work out, or why we felt so compelled to pass up on a situation that seemed like such a great opportunity, but often with time we at least gain a better idea. It took me nearly two years to get to this point, sadly enough, but it came!
Third, I think it's important to realize that not all situations that we want to work out, don't work out because we couldn't end up just as happy in the end as we could with another situation. Sometimes it's just about the other party involved. This was by far the hardest for me to come to grips with. Although I acknowledged this in my mind a long time ago, I don't think that I was fully able to internalize it until recently, possibly even just now. It was painful to think that I'd done absolutely everything that I possibly could only to have things still not work out how I wanted, or felt they should, in the end; it was painful to think that I was not "enough" for someone who I was so in love with...but now here I am realizing, and more fully understanding, that it wasn't about my shortcomings as much as it is about her happiness. Ultimately, I'd be more pained to know that the happiness I saw in her face as I looked at her picture this morning, might not have come about had she not been so true to herself.
As I mentioned earlier, my "ephiphany" this morning was not necessarily things that I did not already know, but sometimes we just don't want to fully accept things until we're ready. Sometimes we just don't want to understand. Sometimes, it just takes time.
Some of you may say "so what?", and that's because you don't know the story behind this particular girl. A very long story short, I had an extremely rough time getting over her, and even after the romantic feelings were gone, it took quite a while to recover from what, to me, felt like betrayal, despite logic and reasoning constantly assuring me that it was not. To be honest, I wasn't sure that I'd totally been able to let go of everything until this morning. As I clicked on some pictures that she had posted recently, I was able to see her with her husband, the person she met right after me. As I looked through just a few of the pictures, I came upon one and just had to sit and look at it for a few seconds because she looked so incredibly happy. That's when I knew that any ill-feelings about how things ended up between she and I were gone. To see someone so incredibly happy, how could I not feel that way! Seeing her in the picture with this guy who made her that happy made me realize, or perhaps re-realize, three things:
First, I admire this girl for being so intent on doing what she felt was best for her, that she did not give in to what I know were very confusing feelings for her during the time we were close. She knew that there was still a better situation for her, and she didn't allow herself to settle for anything else. Even a few months ago, that last though about her "settling" for me would have brought with it a feeling of pain, but sometimes certain situations, with all of their pros, are still outweighed by fewer, or perhaps even one con.
Second, this experience this morning helped to remind me that often with time comes greater perspective. We may never fully understand why some situations didn't work out, or why we felt so compelled to pass up on a situation that seemed like such a great opportunity, but often with time we at least gain a better idea. It took me nearly two years to get to this point, sadly enough, but it came!
Third, I think it's important to realize that not all situations that we want to work out, don't work out because we couldn't end up just as happy in the end as we could with another situation. Sometimes it's just about the other party involved. This was by far the hardest for me to come to grips with. Although I acknowledged this in my mind a long time ago, I don't think that I was fully able to internalize it until recently, possibly even just now. It was painful to think that I'd done absolutely everything that I possibly could only to have things still not work out how I wanted, or felt they should, in the end; it was painful to think that I was not "enough" for someone who I was so in love with...but now here I am realizing, and more fully understanding, that it wasn't about my shortcomings as much as it is about her happiness. Ultimately, I'd be more pained to know that the happiness I saw in her face as I looked at her picture this morning, might not have come about had she not been so true to herself.
As I mentioned earlier, my "ephiphany" this morning was not necessarily things that I did not already know, but sometimes we just don't want to fully accept things until we're ready. Sometimes we just don't want to understand. Sometimes, it just takes time.
I like this entry a lot. Sometimes it does just take time for us to understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd someday you'll look at a picture of you and your spouse and see yourself the happiest you've ever seen yourself because of the same reasons. You're good enough - but you might be happier somewhere else. That will be a fun moment too!
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