Secret Selfishness

My parents send out a weekly letter to all of us kids every Sunday night via e-mail. It's something they started doing two and half years ago as a way of keeping in touch with everyone, while keeping a journal at the same time. I think it's a great idea, and have come to look forward to their letter every Sunday night.  Being someone who is horrible at keeping in touch with people, it gives seeming consistency in way of keeping in touch with my immediate family as we respond back and forth via the e-mail string.

One thing that my mom (and by mom, I'm referring to my step-mom. Just a clarification for the reader) mentioned in her part of the letter tonight was that she was talking to another woman who had a step-daughter who has never liked her (other woman, not me mum). My mom expressed gratitude to us kids for having embraced her (Now me mum) into our family, since all too often the role of a step-parent is not an easy one to fill. But what really stuck out to me was that my mom then said that we, as the children, had accepted her despite her shortcomings and flaws. Specifically, she mentioned that she realized after marrying my dad and inheriting insta-children (my term, not hers) that despite having perceived herself as not being a selfish person, she quickly realized that she actually did have quite a few secret selfish quirks that she'd never realized before.  Now, I think the world of my mom, and I think she's a saint for marrying a guy with 6 kids, but I found it interesting how I was able to relate to her in a way having had the same experience. 

Relax, I don't have kids, and I'm not married (Come to think of it, lots of my family and friends would feel better if I did, probably)! I'm referring to my mission. I thought I was a very considerate, serving person until I went on my mission, and the Lord asked for "just a little more".  Turns out, it's easy to give when it's within your comfort zone. It's when you're required to stretch just a liiiitttle further that those secret selfishnesses (5 points for making up a new word!) are exposed, or at least for me, anyway.  I felt like the kid on the playground getting hung upside down and shaken until the hidden change fell from my pockets (No, that never actually happened to me).  So having had that indirect, and unintentional reminder by my mom tonight, I think forward to getting married, then to having kids, or even just callings in the LDS church.  It's made me re-evaluate and think to myself about what I've filled my pockets with since I've been home from my mission over these past five years.  My car? A higher style of living than I need? Even just "my" time?...My conclusion?...You may have guessed it. I might need a better belt...okay, fine. A pair of pants with littler pockets.